Living together - Not married

[Tpsyduck]

Since a lot of people live together before they get married maybe married people should try NOT living together. Might strengthen the marriage???

Remember the "I love Lucy" show. They slept in different beds. Maybe there is something about sneaking to the bed next to you....

[Anya1976]

Quote:
On 2003-05-05 01:08, chunn wrote:
Since a lot of people live together before they get married maybe married people should try NOT living together. Might strengthen the marriage???

Remember the "I love Lucy" show. They slept in different beds. Maybe there is something about sneaking to the bed next to you....

well my grandparents always said that the secret to their marriage was they both worked my grandma worked at the airport and my grandpa had two jobs one with the chicago park district and he worked late at night at a hotel.... he was never home lol he'd get home in the middle of the night when she was sleeping.

my parents say the same thing lol my dad drives a truck locally he starts work at 1pm in the afternoon and gets home at 2:30am my mom is an office manager they see each other on the weekends lol

[texasblonde]

I dated a guy for 3 years before we decided to move in together...we were through within 4 months. My husband and I got married after 6 weeks of dating (we'd known each other for 2 years prior to that) and never lived together until after the wedding. I've been on temporary assignment (military) for over 2 months now and not seeing him every day has definitely strengthened our relationship. Reminds us not to take the little things for granted anymore!

[njchica]

there actually have been studies done and those who do NOT live together before tying the knot have longer-lasting marriages than those who move in together beforehand.

[teresa]

Hubby and I lived together for 1 yr and 8 mo before getting married. That was 11 years ago........but we were in our late 20's when we moved in together.

[Tpsyduck]

Did not live together or have sex before marriage. We have been married 17 years now!

[CarolinaSizzle]

Quote:
On 2003-05-05 09:17, chunn wrote:
Did not live together or have sex before marriage. We have been married 17 years now!


Exactly how my husband and I were.....our 17th is coming up in Nov.... and I STILL get goosebumps and giddy when he looks at me! Ü

[PepsiONE]

i think livivng together before marrage is bad!! To many temptations.

[Momtowolf]

My hubby and I lived together for about 3-4 years and then got married.....got married in 93 and still going strong!!!

[Bonnie]

My ex-boyfriend and I lived together for two and half years before parting ways. Marriage wasn't really in the cards for either of us I guess. I don't live with my boyfriend now, so we'll see how it goes! (we've been together nine months now!)

[Kristygal]

My hubby and I lived together for almost a year before we were married. I would recommend living together first becuase you really get to know a person and you might find that you're not compatable BEFORE you walk down that isle. It's a lot easier to part ways before a marriage than after. I know how stressful it is making wedding plans and planning the honeymoon. I can't imagine packing and moving in together on top of all that! Way too much stress!

[NCtanmom]

I wouldnt recommend it but Me and my hubby got together when I was 16 and was living together at 17 he was 20,we lived together for about a year,got married and we have been happily married for 14 years in Aug.He is truly the love of my life,but when we were living together we were both young and stupid and had no clue of what real life was about.but as I look back now I wouldnt have changed it for the world.

[usasungoddess]

WELL WE DATED FOR 4 YEARS AND GOT MARRIED AND HAVE BEEN 2 GETHER FOR 3 AND 1/2 YEARS. BUT WE HAD LOTS OF SEZZZZZZZZZZZZZ B-4 MARRIAGE AND WE STILL GOT IT GOING ON IN THAT DEPT. BUT WE ARGUE OVER STUPID THINGS ALL THE TIME AND IT IS MORE MY FAULT B/C I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A SPOILED BRAT SO IAM TRYING TO CHANGE MY WAYS REALLY HARD.

[Kristygal]

Quote:
On 2003-07-06 22:08, usasungoddess wrote:
WELL WE DATED FOR 4 YEARS AND GOT MARRIED AND HAVE BEEN 2 GETHER FOR 3 AND 1/2 YEARS. BUT WE HAD LOTS OF SEZZZZZZZZZZZZZ B-4 MARRIAGE AND WE STILL GOT IT GOING ON IN THAT DEPT. BUT WE ARGUE OVER STUPID THINGS ALL THE TIME AND IT IS MORE MY FAULT B/C I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A SPOILED BRAT SO IAM TRYING TO CHANGE MY WAYS REALLY HARD.


LOL. You guys sound like us! We argue of the dumbest things too. It's better than having major issues and problems in your life! We are both only children, so we are always in competition to get our way.

[usasungoddess]

I KNOW THATS RIGHT . WE ARE YOUNG TO BUT UGH GIRL I TELL YOU I FEEL LIKE THE WORST BRAT IN THE WORLD SOMETIMES THE WAY I ACT, AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORST MY DAD SAYS U DIDNT DO ANYTHING YOUR MOM AND G.MA WONT DO.!AGGGH

[Kristygal]

LOL!!!

[LavenderFleur]

My hubby and I dated for 4 years before we moved in together. We lived together a year before getting married and now we have been married for 3 years. Our marriage is great, and trust me, there have been some really stressful times. I think living together first is great. You get to see the "real" person. To each his own though.

[GratefulTan]

To each their own I guess. I lived with my husband like 3 months before we got married and I don't think it did much either way. We've been married for almost 3 years. Marriage takes work either way, whether you're living together before or not.

[bailey]

Like Chica said, studies have shown that people who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who do not. I actually studied this in school. One of the reasons for this is that people who live together have the mentality that they can leave when ever it gets rough. If there is a problem, instead of working it out, they just end it. This mentality carries over into marriage. When there is a problem, they sometimes still have the idea that they can just divorce instead of working things out. Of course there are many exceptions.

[BrOnZeDbOmBsHeLl]

I'm obviously no expert but I do think that it is best to wait until you really know a person before taking a huge step like moving in together. That can be a messy task esp. if your moving into an apartment, dealing with leases and such. You don't have to be married to live together but time invested doesn't hurt either.

[Strnghrt]

Bailey I hate to break it to you but in this day and age most people who get married go into it with the thought in mind that if it doesn't work out there's always divorce. That mentality is the main culprit of divorces. As someone said marriage takes work and commitment, it takes sticking it out when that's last thing you want to do. It takes the mentality that as crappy as today was tomorrow is a new day. It also takes an awesome hubby like I have that just rolls his eyes and breathes deep when I get like I sometimes do.

[TravisMT81]

I think either way is fine. If you are meant together it is going to work out in the end.

[sunbunny]

Quote:
On 2003-07-07 23:34, Strnghrt wrote:
Bailey I hate to break it to you but in this day and age most people who get married go into it with the thought in mind that if it doesn't work out there's always divorce. That mentality is the main culprit of divorces. As someone said marriage takes work and commitment, it takes sticking it out when that's last thing you want to do. It takes the mentality that as crappy as today was tomorrow is a new day. It also takes an awesome hubby like I have that just rolls his eyes and breathes deep when I get like I sometimes do.


I totally agree. I know several couples that have gone into marriage with this mentality. And every one of them divorced as soon as things got rough.

My husband and I lived together for 4 months before our wedding. We've been married 7 years this October.

[sunnysonia]

I met my hubby at 15, engaged at 17 married at 22 and we are still very happy just over 9 years into the marriage, I was not allowed to move in before getting married as my mum is kinda religious and expressed her opinion!! but my brother lived in sin for 2 years before getting married, on about double standards.

[bailey]

Quote:
On 2003-07-08 02:18, sunbunny wrote:
Quote:
On 2003-07-07 23:34, Strnghrt wrote:
Bailey I hate to break it to you but in this day and age most people who get married go into it with the thought in mind that if it doesn't work out there's always divorce. That mentality is the main culprit of divorces. As someone said marriage takes work and commitment, it takes sticking it out when that's last thing you want to do. It takes the mentality that as crappy as today was tomorrow is a new day. It also takes an awesome hubby like I have that just rolls his eyes and breathes deep when I get like I sometimes do.


I totally agree. I know several couples that have gone into marriage with this mentality. And every one of them divorced as soon as things got rough.

My husband and I lived together for 4 months before our wedding. We've been married 7 years this October.
whether or not you think most people have that opinion, studies show that more people stay together that did not live together before marriage. Of all the people that I know who did not live together beforehand, less of them have the "divorce is ok" mentality than those who did live together beforehand.

[sunbunny]

I've also heard that the older you are before your first marriage, the less likely it will end in divorce. Personally, I think it depends on how hard the couple work at their marriage, whether they lived together beforehand or not. There are exceptions to every rule. And none of the couples I know that got divorced lived together before they were married. However, they did marry at a young age.

[Andrea]

I have a question for you all.. Alot of my friends say they don't live with their bf's cuz it would go against their parents or religion etc. However, they stay over each other's apartments/houses usually every single night. Isn't this practically the same thing as living together. If they are staying over and having sex, what's the big deal of just living together?? I must admit though I was with a guy for 3 years and lived together with him for 6 months and it didn't work out. However, I feel it was better that I learned that now rather than having to go through a divorce, which is against my Catholic beliefs etc... I am now with a wonderful man and we do not live together but stay over 2-3 nights a week, space is good and lets a relationship grow, but living together can actually be a good thing for preventing a horrible marriage in my opinion! Also, I have known several strict virgins who were very religious (non Catholics but Christians) who have recently "given in" and are having sex outside of marriage and they don't even live together! Most cannot resist being together for very long and not giving in to urges, it really is only natual in my opinion! So, if one is religious and wants to stay pure, I have seen many of these people getting married rather quickly, to have sex more than anything.. Bad thing, especially when sometimes it doesn't work out..

_________________
That which does not kill us makes us stronger![ This Message was edited by: Andrea on 2003-07-08 15:43 ]

[sherlynn 01]

my husband and i lived together for 8 years before we got married , and we have been married 7 this passed may.been with him 15 years and still happy, with him.

[Strnghrt]

I personally don't see much of a difference in "staying over" every night and living together. Nor do I personally see a difference in degree between divorce and premarital sex. I don't judge however as that is definatly not my job. Not only have I been divorced but lived with first and second husbands. Whether a couple is married, living together, or just sleeping together, if this person isn't who you spend your life with then what is the difference?

[Strnghrt]

I just wanted to add 1 thing, in life there are no guarantee's. You might live together 10 years and decide ok, it's been a long enough trial and get married and decide after getting married they are not who you actually want, or you may decide to never get married just sleep around, or get married as virgins have the best marriage possible and 3 years into the marriage the spouse gets into a car accident. See what I mean, if you are looking for guarantee's that everything is going to be peachy all the time forget it, won't happen, and if someone guarantee's that they lie.

[Andrea]

I agree that there are no guarantees in life. However, me being the eternal optimist, I believe there is someone out there for everyone to spend the rest of your life with. My parents have been married for 28 years and neither of them were virgins when they met each other, as my mother revaled to me a few years ago. Sure their marriage isn't perfect, noone's is, but their dedication and devotion to their marriage and making it work above all else has let it thrive while many of their friend's marriages have crumbled. I believe relationships are a learning experience and it is better to have some live in bf/gf's that come and go rather than a handful of husbands. But that's just my opinion and how I was raised. Marriage should be taken more seriously these days than it is I believe, it should be a lifelong commitment and something one shouldn't get out of just because things aren't going one of their ways. Counseling can play a big part in helping deal with issues. Also, I think only in cases of abuse or abandonment shoudl one leave the life long commitment. Again, just my two cents worth...

[Strnghrt]

Andrea good thoughts and I agree for the most part. However take this for what it's worth, I don't think there is a time since my husband and I have been married that I have thought I am glad I wasn't a virgin because I wish that I had been.

[Andrea]

Wow, well I am sorry to hear that Strnghrt. I hope you know though that everything happens for a reason and that one cannot turn back the clock but only move forward.

[bailey]

I agree with Andrea also. Marriage takes work period. People do not take it seriously anymore. I believe at least 50% of the divorces wouldn't have happened if the couple would have been willing to put in some effort.

[njchica]

bailey, where do you come up with these percentages?

[bailey]

When you say "these percentages" what do you mean "these"? The only percentage I said was 50% of divorces could be saved and that was my opinion and belief. That's why I said "I believe". The other comments I made about studies showing people who live together before marriage have a lower percent chance to stay together, that came from like 2-3 different classes I took in college.

[boobrandt]

I am sure that there are studies that show NOT living together is positively correlated with lasting marraige. I am also sure that there are studies that show another result. STUDIES are just that. Maturity, responsibility, and dedication are just a few characteristics of successful relationships. If these are not present, it doesn't matter whether you live together before marraige or not. IMHO.

[bailey]

I think that the fact that there needs to be maturity, responsibility, and dedication has been a theme throughout this thread. I don't think anyone would disagree with that.

[FerretMommy]

I was a virgin when I met my husband and we dated for about 7 mo before we had sex. He was not a virgin, so what. We were married a year after we met and have been married 27 years now. We have had our problems, but we worked them out. We have 2 kids and for a long time they are what kept me in the marriage. Now that they are married and moved out we are getting to know each other more and more everyday. I'm glad we stuck it out.

[BabyJem]

I have been with the same guy since high school(about 3 years) and we now go to the same college and we live blocks from each other so it works out fine!

[Kristygal]

I don't think it matters if you live together first, have sex before marriage, what age you are, etc. Marriage definitely takes work, all the time. Whether you stay together or not depends on each individual. Even though you're married doesn't mean you're not constantly changing as a person & sometimes people just grow apart. I'm a slightly different person than I was 4 years ago when I got married(beacuse of jobs, stress & responsiblities)but you have to adapt to each other. There are always hurdles in life reguardless of marital status, some couples don't make it but it makes some stronger.

[SHIRTS]

BOTTOM LINE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,IS YOU'RE EITHER IN LOVE WITH
EACH OTHER OR YOU'RE NOT;AND IF YOU'RE NOT YOU'RE JUST WASTIN'
EACH OTHERS TIME...........EVERYTHING ELSE,WELL,WHATEVER WORKS
FOR YOU........

[MizzBunnay]

i moved in with my man since like day 1 lol, well acually, i just never went home, then i moved further south and he moved in with me, its his first time away from mommy! lol and hes soooo spoiled little baby=o) but ya i definately need space, you need time to miss eachother, when me and my man together all the time we get at eachothers throats, so its good to have jobs and keep busy, then ull really appreciate the time you spend with them

[Val]

My husband and I did not live together before getting married. I think one of the main things is that we were older when we got married. We were 27 when we got married so we were fairly mature and knew what we wanted out of life.

We've been 10 years happily married so far

[SexyKitty]

I think everyone should live together first before getting married.

[Dixiegal]

I really think God just put men on this earth to aggitate us women anyway. Don't you? I know living together is definitly not suppose to be, but men change very quickly and I think that every one should know the man real well before spending all that money on a divorce, if possible.

[Kristygal]

Quote:
On 2003-12-05 20:22, Dixiegal wrote:
I really think God just put men on this earth to aggitate us women anyway. Don't you? I know living together is definitly not suppose to be, but men change very quickly and I think that every one should know the man real well before spending all that money on a divorce, if possible.

You're right! You really get to know a person once you live with them.

[BronzedBunz]

Quote:
On 2003-12-05 20:22, Dixiegal wrote:
I really think God just put men on this earth to aggitate us women anyway. Don't you? I know living together is definitly not suppose to be, but men change very quickly and I think that every one should know the man real well before spending all that money on a divorce, if possible.


LOL!!! Soooo true!!!!